07/18/2002 00:06
time after goddamn time.
i just got rejected once again, AND made a total fucking idiot out of myself in the process. expect me to be mopey and more touchy than usual for the next few days, at least. i'll try to stay upbeat for the toga party.. it is my birthday, after all.

god, boys suck so goddamn much. fuck you, cupid!

music: the mighty mighty bosstones, "chasing the sun away"
read: just finished the rules of attraction by bret easton ellis
love: buying stuff for my dorm room
hate: boys, crushes, relationships, etc.

07/07/2002 01:28
haven't been this happy in minutes
my uncles and my dad were making fun of me this evening because i'm not working hard enough (only twenty hours a week, not forty), or something. "well, did any of you work 40 hours a week the summer before you went to college?" my dad: "melis, i had TWO jobs that summer. i worked seventy-five hours a week in alaska." well, HE'S the one who ... i dunno ... earned all the money and isn't making me pay for my own college education. geez. SORRY, mister perfect.

it's sad, but true: this summer is largely about making & getting money for me. i managed to start off last week by making $150 in two days by babysitting my six-year-old cousin. and it was a piece of cake! i've also been working a lot, and i got even more graduation money from some geographically-distant relatives, so my bank account is hovering around $2000 now. i feel excellent about that, thank you very much. hopefully i'll manage not to spend *all* of that in new york next year.

this last tuesday i went to the red sox game with naim. :) naim being the guy i like, i suppose. the most accurate word is "crush", but i hate that word, it reminds me of when i was twelve. anyway, we had so much fun, despite the initial awkwardness of running into my uncle outside fenway park. damn omnipresent large family. the red sox won, despite some highly questionable playing, and i had so much fun. nothing happened, but... there's a chance. he might like me. i think. i'm so thrilled by this prospect, you wouldn't believe. i mean, gosh, it's like no guy has ever liked me before. oh wait... NO GUY EVER HAS!

yeah, i'm a geek. anyway, my fourth of july was interesting and fun.. some parts more interesting, some parts more fun. i had plans to go to the beach with a whole bunch o' people, but it ended up being just me and tom, erin and jeff, and my sister and her best friend (who begged me to bring them with us). we got there via a somewhat annoying detour through a parade in hingham, then searched for a parking spot. we found one, but it wasn't legal. jeff and erin (in erin's car) decided they didn't want to risk it, so they went to look for another spot, and ended up leaving because they couldn't find one.

poor tom was stuck with me and two spoiled fifteen-year-olds all day. he handled it admirably, i would like to say. it was way too fuckin hot to do ANYTHING, so we alternated between lounging on the beach and swimming for awhile. then it got too hot to even do that, so we left. tom and i were both pretty beat after that escapade, and almost everyone seemed pretty negative about the idea of going into boston and watching fireworks there (half a dozen people had already been hospitalized for heat exhaustion that day). instead, we had a barbecue at tom's and several things almost got or actually did get lit on fire. (more about that at the z-c blog, if you care to know.)

on friday i went shopping at the natick mall, and my purse got stolen pretty much right out from under my nose. it's a long story and everyone knows it already anyway. in any case, i got it back, without the cash, but with everything else intact. that helped avoid a lot of hassle (like trying to get a replacement license), so i'm actually quite happy with the way everything worked out.

and of course, today, family barbecue, my uncles making fun of me, and my adorable tiny little cousin maggie toddling around after the dog... "DAH DAH!" nobody knows why she loves the dog so much, it's a mystery, but it's the cutest thing in the world right up until it starts to get a little annoying.

and finally: my sister has gone down the cape with caroline. i don't have to drive her anywhere for a WHOLE WEEK! hopefully, things will keep up going so well. i'm done now, goodnight.

music: newfound glory, "glory of love"
read: the hottest state by ethan hawke, surprisingly good; also just finished the blind assassin by margaret atwood, which is fantastic.
love: having a tan
hate: bug bites

06/22/2002 00:02
burned again?
wow, it's been an incredibly long time since i've blogged. i've been in and out of the z-c blog along with erin, tom and nikki, with occasional guest appearances by mark and matt. just so everyone is up to date, i'm still the same old self-centered mel, but hopefully i'm being a little more constructive about myself these days. i'm definitely more relaxed now that it's officially summertime. i've given up even trying to be deep, really.

what's scary is that i'm a high school graduate and i'm going to college and i'm going to be in new york city... it's just so overwhelming! i suppose i have another two months to get used to the idea. and michelle k., my roommate from the barnard summer program, will be my roomie freshman year, so that's very comforting. ("you know your roommate? you're so lucky!" is the usual reaction when i tell people that.) i didn't get in to brown from the wait list, but i'm actually pretty happy about the way things worked out. socially it might be a little harder going to an all-women's college, but i think it will actually make many aspects of my life a lot easier. i'm a barnard woman!

however, i technically still have two months left to be a teenage girl, and i plan on taking advantage of it. i have a big crush... it's sad, really... i always tell myself i'm not going to obsess, and i usually end up obsessing. the thing is, my new crush object is really hard to read, quiet, and not demonstrative at all. it can be really frustrating. i think he likes being with me, but i can't tell if he just wants to be friends or what. and yes, i realize i've been talking everyone's ear off about this for weeks. i took him to prom, and, while i knew at that point that i liked him, i've just gotten worse since then. i've taken to asking michelle and kelly jemal, my jew posse, for advice, and they aren't even familiar with the situation at all.

people say that it looks positive, but my friends said that about the mo'b too, and that didn't work out. who knows? i'm really getting inured to it, and i'm not expecting him to like me at all. tom says i need to be more positive, but it's really hard when no guy ever reciprocates my feelings. i'm starting to work on building up my self-esteem with some help from my therapist, my friends, and of course, laura hallett's sexy lessons, but it's really not like six simple steps to self-esteem or anything. it's more like being a recovering alcoholic or something. you get on the wagon, you fall off the wagon... i think right now i'm running frantically behind the wagon, trying to catch up.

anyway... i just spent two days at the mcveys' rental cottage on the cape, and laid out on the beach for about six hours one of the days, and got really horribly sunburned. on the backs of my legs, nonetheless! it hurts like a bitch and now it's starting to get itchy, too. i think it's time for me to go put more aloe/lidocaine on me and go to sleep.

in the meantime... hey, look! updates! not major ones; i just added the site info page, the link to come back to the blog here, and linked the guestbook. (i also, shh, used my dad's credit card to pay for the damn thing. at least i'll have one for a decent amount of time now instead of having to change it weekly as i was doing when they would all develop mysterious pop-up ads or disappear on me.) soon i'll be putting pictures up: a somewhat random collection of pictures of me, and slightly less random prom/graduation pictures. (including crush.) exciting, isn't it?

music: black rebel motorcycle club, "love burns"
read: the rose and the beast by francesca lia block. also just finished good in bed by jennifer weiner, which i highly recommend.
love: actually, i think "pine" would be the more appropriate term at this point...
hate: sunburn!